Losing and Losing

I wrote this poem a couple of years back when I was going through a period of tremendous loss. 2011 was an extremely contradictory year in my life. When I wrote this I was in a process (long process) of ending a romantic relationship with someone that was with me through my transformation to becoming a revolutionary. Although politically we were compatible, that was about the only way we were. It was loss, but with loss we also gained our freedom, I gained my self respect and knew if I wanted to have the kind of relationship I did I would have to let this one go. Loss, and hope. At the same time I found out I was pregnant and had an abortion. I couldn’t go through it with him but a really great friend to me at the time was by my side through the whole thing. More loss, and friendship. That year I had lost several friends from my past. Yet I believe that their journey is not over. They have touched all of us who are still here, and we carry their life through us, taking it with us on our own journeys. They are part of us.

it’s painful. so painful to think
i won’t know you like this anymore.
to get rid of the only thing living between us,
is also killing a part of myself.

i’m not asking anything of you.
i feel you’ve done all you could do.
and now i am having to do my part to finish up everything that i can.

I was daydreaming earlier today
of going up really high and flying away.
taking her with me away from this place
but instead she’ll be leaving alone.

I dreamt of her once in our bed.
she had a beautiful smile and a head full of hair
and we loved her so much,
but i’ll never get to meet her because nothing is right about right now.

it’s hard to lose so many people at once
like you told me when it rains it pours.
but it feels like my whole life i’ve been trying to keep people from going away
and leaving me behind.

One day I will grow wings and fly
and i’ll carry myself up from this.
but for now i am stuck here alone in this cold bed,
with cold tears to remind me i’m alive.

i used to fight for our love and defend it.
i told them it was revolutionary.
but even revolutions don’t always end in cheers,
like the song,
you walked away.

To all those I’ve lost to death,
at least now i know that you are at rest.
and i don’t believe in another world other than this one,
but i believe your a part of it now.

it’s hard to lose so many people at once
i’ve grasped at the tail ends of them all
and you and i have come all this way,
but i can take it from here, i’ll hold my head tall
because i will be standing right here.


New Music Vid

This is the newest music video I made, song called Submerged by Masseve.

Thinking bout you – Music vid 4

This is my most recent. This one is made with my partner, some personal footage, but I think it goes well with the personal nature of the video. It was started in a time of love, pure and simple. Then half way through it became a healing thing to do. To reflect on the good of this person so dear to me.

Music Videos

Just so y’all know I make music videos, so expect some old ones to come. Right now me and my partner are working on a new one.. it is the dopiest one I’ve made so far. Coming soon. Until then here goes my first one.

Apathy – we get down


Of all the inspiration and strength you have given me, the least I could do is write a post for you.

Beautiful, strong, woman.
You have given so much of yourself to the world, you live on in all of us. I have been inspired by you since I first laid eyes on you and you have become part of me ever since. I have been exploring my spirituality for the last several months. On a mission to discover what I believe and feel, and the right form to express myself in. I have met my soul mate and this has transformed me. I am now a believer in such a thing. Someone here who is like a magnet to you. They would have found you regardless of circumstance. I don’t mean that to say without each other we would have never felt love. We both have felt love before, but nothing like this. It makes me spiritual knowing him and having him. I wanted to know more about this side of myself.

So, I believe that when you are here you leave yourself here forever. A part of you lives on whether it is big or small you have made an impact on the world. Together we are powerful because together we can create great change and beauty. You have made a big impact, a known and obvious one. You have inspired women revolutionaries and artists. You have created art that lives on past you. A little piece of who you are is in me and in others who are touched by you. This is my spirituality. It is the connection between human beings. It is in the things we create together, it is in the bonds we have with one another. We need each other to survive and we need to create to survive. You are one example of expressing our humanity and for that you are loved and for that you live on.