i have already paid for all my future sins

reexamining things means looking at life, looking at the steps you’ve taken, and really having to own up to them.

i’ve done a lot to get to where i am today. if you believe in karma then you’d think i am getting exactly what i deserve. have i done anything cruel enough to deserve this life? i think of myself as a good person, as a principled person. i think that i have my moments of greatness and i have moments of weakness. i never try to hurt anyone although in life you have moments when you have to make a choice that will either hurt someone else or yourself. i have had to make these choices before and i usually will hurt myself before others. but sometimes i pick myself and then i pay for it in full and some. i have chosen love and now i am in hell. i don’t believe in karma. i believe bad people get away with it all the time. i believe good people have to pay for those bad people’s sins. i don’t believe in karma and i don’t believe i did anything to deserve this. but that doesn’t stop me from questioning what if. what if i didn’t make that choice. would everyone else be happy? did i not deserve to strive for happiness? what if i didn’t believe so at the time? maybe it wasn’t my time. so now i pay for my sins, and my future sins.

..but the truth is if i had to do it again i would do it the same because for all the pain i feel now i have known the greatest love of all time and there is nothing better. so bring on the pain, no amount would measure up to the good i have felt for the last 8 months…

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photography

I’ve been going through a hard time here in Atlanta. In so many ways this city reflects my own state in life. Chaos, things being uprooted and ripped apart, a daily struggle. I use art as a healing mechanism. I used to paint when I was going through a rough break up years ago. It allowed me to take my mind off of pain and put so much time and energy into creating something beautiful. It was an expression of myself and where I was at in my life.

I used to take pictures. I would just grab my camera and go out into the world. It forced me to pay attention to the details of my surroundings. It forced me to face the world. I could find beauty in the ugly places; graffiti in the alleys, nature growing in the cracks of concrete, beautiful people that you pass everyday without looking up to see their faces. Now I need this more than ever. I need to find beauty in the world because I am losing sight of the good things.

So before I get out and start developing film again I thought I’d give myself a kick start by sharing some work by other people, maybe get a little inspiration.